in the Ocean

I can bearly remember how my life was before, feel it.. it is so faint and unreal.. like another world. Not that it wasn´t true, just.. I wanted so many things, dreamed about those things .. and now I have entered life with all I was before and am living... as honest as I can. Being intense all the time feels very sharp and sometimes I actually feel as if I am cut with blades. Probably.. I am buried in something false again.. sure feels like it.. like drowning... should I fight.. or let go?